Spring diaries// chapter I
First two weeks of April.
entry one
As we adventure into the second month of spring I cant help but be hopeful about the future and my surroundings. As the weather gets hotter and hotter and the sun shines brighter and brighter it gives me a sense of hope. The sun touching my skin makes me warm on the inside and the flowers blooming makes my heart grow bigger, everybody has more color in their eyes and just like the sun, they shine. I love how spring looks on people.
Each year, april is the month that I spend mostly in my head but enjoy the outside world just as much. Somehow it’s the month that makes me hopeful about the world again after a long and cold winter.
This month feels like self care to me, the weather only getting warmer, the soft rain, the books, the air smells different, it’s like something is telling me ‘what was hard has passed, look outside, the light at the end of the tunnel finally came.’ Everything captures life again and I think that happens to our hearts aswell, not that our hearts have died, but in a way that our hearts take off that winter coat and let the light in again, opening ourselves to new ways of seeing life, opening to new possibilities.
I love how every season is different, how each season brings new feelings and revelations, even tho nature follows its course year after year, we dont, we grow and change each year, so besides the feeling that remains the same (or at least its base) for each season, everything changes. We somehow always find our way back to spring, to new beginnings.
I feel like spring comes with peace for me, even tho I find myself in a really stressful period, I still manage to find my peace in the little things. It’s hard to just put a smiley face on and pretend everything is alright and ‘look on the bright side’, I don’t always see the world as I portrayed it, but if you look close enough you’ll find the beauty in little things that keeps you going.
I find journaling and walks on a sunny day or even a rainy day very peaceful and calming, especially now. This time of the year always brings new prespectives and new ideas it makes me feel really inspired, but at the same time, as I look closely I find myself left with a lot of questions about life in general. Recently I thought about relationships a lot, especially the ones surrounding me.
Why do we get lazy after working hard to achieve something? Why do we stop maintaining that thing once we got to it? Why do we limit ourselves? Where’s the line between getting comfortable and stop putting in effort? Where’s the line between acceptance and not being able to let go? Do we really have one or two great loves in our life? And if we do, how hard is it to find your people and/or your significant other, what are we willing to compromise in that order?
You see, as I ask myself one question, another one pops up, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed in times like these, but writing about the most important questions helps a lot, it’s like creating your own philosophy.
entry two
Isn’t it beautiful how every spring you think the cold and snow went away and the sun will be the only thing that touches the grass, but then another wave of cold and snow comes? It’s beautiful because it shows how nature still finds a way to blossom no matter the time, it always finds a way, you can too. As I made my way out of my apartment this morning, the morning after the cold, I see the sun touching the grass again, and the trees, the plants greener than ever. It makes me wonder, do we need a storm in order to blossom into something more? There is a saying that I love and think about often it goes ‘If you ask for flowers, dont be shocked when a storm comes’. I think that describes perfectly the way we are, we wish for something big, and when there comes a significant moment for our growth, we expect it the least
entry three
A friend that is one year older than me, once told me that as we get older year by year time starts to pass even faster. At first hand, of course I agreed with them, but I haven’t really sat and thought about it in order to really feel it. My birthday’s in spring and on my birthday everyone kept on asking how are you feeling at..? And all I could say everytime was: ‘I feel like time has passed by so fast’. It was than that I felt my friends words.
Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed quite often, and as hard as I try sometimes to just make sense of this storm of emotions I am feeling, sometimes I cannot. The only way to keep my mind quiet is to either write, sleep or just let myself feel each and every emotion till I realize I am indeed strong enough to get through it and even if it’s hard, I’m gonna find a way. I get this feeling aprox. every year around my birthday, somehow the fact that I am aging makes me feel like there is a clock ticking in my pocket, like a little demon telling me ‘time passes so fast, you don’t have enough, you don’t have enough’, but the fact is we do. That is why I love spring and the fact that my birthday is in spring, everything finding a way and blooming in its own way and time makes me realize we could too.
Hello my growing little community of readers and welcome new readers ! The spring diaries is more of an intimate and personal short series, but if you got here it means you enjoyed it, hope you did. These were a couple of my frequent questions and thoughts throughout the first weeks of April and I left the “door open” for you to see. If you find yourself relating, comment how, I want to get an understanding of you all.
As always, thank you for being here and reading my work.
-love always, e.t.
